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Like many other veterans, the last two weeks have brought a lot of old feelings to the fore for Ellen Stephenson, DNP, assistant professor of nursing.

The images of the evacuation of Afghans who helped American and NATO forces in the country has, for Stephenson and others, brought to mind their own experiences in the country, and inescapable feelings of grief and anger at the thought of leaving people behind. As well as the American casualties in the 20 years since the fighting began.

“I was in shock, more or less,” she said. “I was dealing with feelings that I didn’t expect, even after 10 years.”

Stephenson was deployed to a nursing unit at Craig Joint Theater Hospital at Bagram Airfield in Afghanistan from December 2011 to June 2012. One of the largest hospitals in theater, the medical facility stayed busy, with Stephenson working 12-hour shifts, six days a week in the surgery recovery room.

The hospital cared for anyone who was brought in — that means U.S. service members injured in the line of duty, but also members of the Afghan military, local civilians and enemy combatants. Even for an experienced nurse, it took a toll.

“I don’t know that anything can prepare you for the type of moral and ethical dilemmas that you’re faced with on a daily basis,” she said. “When you are literally having to give the same level of care to a 19-year-old Marine and the 19-year-old Taliban that tried to kill him.”

At that point, her career as a labor and delivery nurse had already taken her to hospitals big and small. But working in that recovery room half a world away, where some of the patients were actively hostile to her, gave her a newfound perspective that has carried over to the classroom and to her work as a nurse.

“I learned that I could do more than I ever thought I was capable of, and I think it made me a more culturally competent person,” she said. “To become fully entrenched in humanity, that was it for me. You get a much more global sense of humanity. And it’s because of those dilemmas you have to face.”

Separated from active duty, Stephenson still serves as a Nurse Corp officer in the U.S. Air Force Reserve and stays in contact with those she served alongside. Since the withdrawal began, she said she’s heard many of those colleagues talk about the interpreters and others they worked with, expressing concern over their safety and the helplessness that comes with being across the globe. While the withdrawal has given her similar anxieties, Stephenson said she’s found her own ways to cope.

“You have to create a narrative for yourself to be OK,” she said. “I think about the 550 lives I saved. I think about the good we did.”